adventures in amy-land

So I want to apologize for the delay in my catch up on the Californ-IA move but the stories keep piling on, we’ll get to that later…

After the dramatic move-in sans electricity and refrigerators, meeting great neighbors, etc…

(The “story” to follow occured a few days after the electricity was turned on).

I was sleeping on my futon in the living room because I left my bed in Colorado, I figured that retiring the old waterbed frame that I got at age 12 was probably a good idea. The mattress was almost as old, maybe 17 years old instead of 20, at 15 I got sick of my cat punching holes in the water mattress and waking up to a slow seeping bed and wet sheets and decided a regular mattress would be a better idea. So, I woke up to a loud crash, my dog, Zeus was asleep at my feet, so I figured it must be my cat. Poseidon had enjoyed many nights waking me up by stretching out on the sliding glass doors and rattling them very loudly, so I assumed he found something else to bang on in the kitchen.  I walked into the kitchen and saw on the floor what appeared to be poo. Great, Poseidon’s mad at me for moving and wants me to know it. (Yes my pets are named after Greek gods, and I have a bit of an obsession, or perhaps I just am able to console myself knowing that the gods answer to me, even if noone else will. I’m sure there’s some kind of psychological explanation for it, but then again what fun would life be if you could explain all your weird fascinations?). I grab a paper towel and groggily begin picking up the presents left on the floor (there were at least 15 of them).  I then walk into the bathroom and turn the light on to drop them down the toilet.

Just before i drop the contents of my paper towel in the bowl two feelers pop out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRRRRRRGGGGH!  So, yes, slugs, big HUGE slimy slugs all over my kitchen floor. And, yes in retrospect I realize that would’ve been a lot of poo for a 9lb kitty, no matter how upset he was about moving.

So, no electricity, no refrigerator, and SLUGS! Big slugs, I’m talking at least four inches in length and an inch in diameter. They were so big that I thought they were banana slugs, they might be, but they’re not bright yellow, they’re stomachs are though. Grey and spotty on top and slimey! I am no slug expert, but for those of you that aren’t familiar with banana slugs, I would encourage you to google them. They are the official mascot for UC Santa Cruz, which says a lot about Santa Cruz, and I’m not sure but I wouldn’t place any bets on their track team (or any sport that requires speed or a solid body for that matter..).  The wharf is cheesy and fun in a very retro 80s hair metal sort of way though.

So the slugs continue making their nightly appearance, 10-20 a night, seriously I was living in a frat house for slugs! After maybe two nights, I recall learning in maybe a science class or something, that salt and slugs don’t play well together. For the night I covered the undersink area with salt. At this point, I emailed the landlord and  figured they were sleeping off their slug hangovers by day, under the sink where the leak (I think I already mentioned this one, the wood was rotted out below the pipes, so it wasn’t a new leak) was. I told him that the cold water not working, and the leak both needed to be taken care of, and that there was a slug problem.  I figured sending him a text picture at 2:30 in the morning was appropriate since he had sent a text message at two in the morning the previous night asking for pictures of the leak (honestly, what landlord wants an undersink picture sent to him at 2 am?). Actually I sent 4 or 5 pictures of slugs to him, hey if one is good five is better right? I believe it was the following weekend the landlords showed up at my house around 11 on a Saturday. The primary landlord, or at least the person I make my rent checks payable to, is 85 or 86 (I can’t recall exactly) and likes to tell me how handy he is, and how his retirement community has a woodshop. Okay, he’s kind of a cute old man, and good for him, he gets around better than most people his age. But…….

In addition to putting a fence up on the one side of the house that didn’t have one (so Zeus couldn’t get out) with the help of his son (the person I usually deal with) and grandson (who incidentally was possibly the most awkward and greasy looking kid I’ve ever seen, but he had a Pixies t-shirt on so at least I knew he had good taste in music!!), my landlord brought a piece of vinyl in and screwed it down on top of the rotten wood telling me how nice it was that it matched the tile in the kitchen (repeatedly). Super! So there’s wet rotting wood in the kitchen but it’s all good now that it’s covered up with vinyl and screwed down (that’ll take care of those slugs for sure!). In addition he goes in to the shower in my master bathroom, where the grout needs to be redone, and slops (literally) a bunch of caulk down. The shower drain was broken, it looked like the screws were broken off on the metal piece, so there was a big gaping hole in the shower floor, this also got sloppily caulked down. It lasted a day or two befor emy dog ate the caulk (insert joke here).

Needless to say, the slugs kept coming in to party in my kitchen, though not in such large droves, but 5-10 a night. Maybe they realized they needed to buckle down and focus on their studies. Frat slugs getting the smack down from their academic advisors. Who knows??? And I kept up with the salt. I also was advised that beer was a good trap for them, aparantly gardeners use this one often. See I told you—frat boys!!!! But I couldn’t pour beer allover the kitchen floor, so salt it was, I turned into a cold-blooded slug killa.  When in Rome…..

According to the neighbors, the previous tenants had the slug problem and I was told there were slugs that were up to a foot long [garden slugs don’t get that big, so unless the previous tenants were doing a slug version of a fishing story, they were indeed banana slugs (though I never saw any that big, I would’ve been afraid they’d pick up a feeler-full of salt and throw it back at me if they were that size!)].  The previous tenants didn’t even have the landlord’s phone number. Muahahahahahaha I had it thanks to the neighbor and I used it often!

I got another visit from my “handy” landlord on Father’s Day, he caulked and screwed some pieces of wood down around the vinyl to try and stop the slugs, he fixed a few of the broken screens in the windows and that was about it. Oh! I forgot to mention when he works he makes this weird breathing-whistling noise! It sounds like he’s reverse whistling or something, and it doesn’t stop unless he stops to talk. He mentions the salt and how great salt is for everything, and tells me how his doctor friend in the retirement home had him soak a foot that had a cut on it in salt water to clear the infection and it took care of his foot fungus too. Lovely!!! Just what I was waiting to hear about!!! After that I sort of made my way with coffee and newspaper in hand into my bedroom. Nice guy, but I don’t need to hear about his medical conditions. Thanks.

Sooooo the slugs slowed down  to maybe 2-3 a night. I guess you’ll always have the hangers on, kind of like that guy who hangs out in the highschool parking lot 2-3 years after he graduates. Somehow that cool-guy factor dissapates FAST. There were still several broken window screens, the sliding screen door was broken, Zeus figured out he could jump up on the retaining wall and run through the space of it and the fence the landlords put out (the neighbors enjoyed watching me chase him through the neighborhood on two or three occaisions before I started gaurding it like a defensive tacklewhen I took him outside), the sink was still leaking. The shower in my bedroom started backing up. I had my brother and his wife over for dinner to thank them for helping me move (and for the great leather couches and furniture I inherited when they moved, the futon made it’s way into the guest room and I finally got a real bed) and found that the back two burners on the stovetop didn’t work. One of the kitchen lights didn’t work, I tried a new bulb. The dishwasher had a horrid mildewy smell. Ahhhhhhh the joys of renting. And you too could have all this for a mere $2500.00 a month!!!!  And with that I will leave you all, and continue on my next blog to describe the roommate searching experience (because 2500/mo is not in my budget) and later the landlord smackdown (oh yes, it gets better!).

Also keep in mind, I actually have been having a great time since I moved out here, I have met some great people, enjoy working with my brother (when he’s not firing me), and have gone to some cool places. I have the most beautiful drive to work every morning along the coastal highway. So please don’t take this as complaining, actually despite what a pain it has been, it makes a great story and has provided me and many other people with some great entertainment!!! So keep an eye out for the next installment of my California experience, and in the mean time, Make Good Memories!!!

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