adventures in amy-land

On Saturday, Don had said he would stop by my place around 10:30 to pick me up and head into Hollywood. I started getting ready around 9 or 9:30. At 11 I called him because I hadn’t heard from him, and was wondering if he was going to cancel again. He said he’d be over in 30 minutes, so I waited. He also told me he was having problems with his truck, and asked if I would drive. Plus my little Jetta gets better gas mileage. I agreed, I wasn’t planning on drinking because that always seems to be a good way to get yourself in a bad situation in a new place with people you don’t know. I called my brother to let him know where I was going, just in case.

Now the only “problem” with me driving, is my car stereo is on the fritz. It does this fantastic thing were it will play for five minutes and then just stop. No sound from any of the outputs. This incidentally makes me insane driving to work every morning as I try to listen to NPR’s “Morning Edition” . Unfortunately the car stereo place (part of my former employer’s business) I got it installed at wasn’t able to find anything wrong when I took it in, is in Colorado and has gone out of business. Anyway, maybe it’s a good thing because as Don pointed out, “I think you and I are probably opposites when it comes to music.” How right he was, I listen to everything from The Dead Kennedys to Miles Davis . The only music I don’t like is hip hop, rap and country (when you grow up 20 miles from a town called Rifle, who’s fanciest hotel is called The Winchester it’s easy to understand why I don’t like country. Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson being exceptions to the rule). As a matter of fact, my reaction to hip-hop, rap and country is probably akin to what a cat would do if you tried to throw him in a full bathtub.

On the ride up we talked. Apparently his dad was in the military so he did some traveling growing up. I told him about going to college just outside of Portland, Oregon at Pacific University , living in the UK for a year, Mexico, Spain and San Francisco (it’s pretty safe to say I have a hard time staying in one place for too long). He went on to tell me how much he loved London and the women there in particular. He loved seeing white women with curves, and talked about how skinny they are in California, and how unattractive that was. Okay, well…..uh…good to know, so that was what you loved about London huh? Not the Westminster Abbey, Tower of London, Big Ben, Parliament, Camden Town, the people, the Tube, the pubs or even Madam Tussuad’s crazy wax museum? Super! As Big Gay Al from South Park says…..

He goes on to talk about how much better England is than the U.S., and I decide to interject because, although I can’t stand our government right now, and our economy is bad, I still think we have in theory one of the best forms of government in the world. Also, after living overseas, I realized just how fortunate we are. When I was living in Wales, I made a very good friend from Belfast, and he asked me one time about the KKK, and if their organization was illegal and if not, why? It took a minute for me to answer, and all I could say is that according to our constitution, the government can’t not allow organizations and groups of people to meet or exist. If we made the KKK illegal, then different political and religious groups might also be threatened. I explained that what the KKK does isn’t legal, or even remotely right according to most people’s standards, but they still have the right to exist and hold their own opinions and beliefs (no matter how twisted they might be). I also found in some of the discussions my friend and I had, that religion and politics we only discussed behind closed doors, and if say a Hare Krishna decided they wanted to preach their religious beliefs on the street corner, they would be arrested. In the time I spent in the UK I realized how great it was to have our Bill of Rights, and that our government wasn’t as bad as I thought, and our country wasn’t either. This doesn’t mean we should say “America is the best country on earth and our government is the best government in the world” because it’s simply not true, and I think we should look at other cultures and governments to see if there’s anything we could do to better our own culture and government.

I also went on to say that one of the things we could learn from every other culture is how to lead less stressful lives. “Look at countries like France, they have all of these fatty foods and heavy cream sauces, but they’re not the most obese country on the planet, we are. Maybe if we spent more time having a good meal, and not eating such large portions, and slowing down to enjoy life once in a while, we might not have the biggest heart attack rate in the world,” I said. He then cuts in to say something about how it’s not the food; different people have different nutritional needs and body types, and starts talking about exercise and diet. Okay…yes, but did you listen to a word of what I just said? Are we even having the same conversation, because that wasn’t even remotely close to my point!!  Are you kidding me?

And so each and every conversation we attempted to have, went.   I think I just gave up after a while and let him talk. Whatever dude. Needless to say it was a kind of painful hour driving into LA.

We arrived at the Rainbow , apparently nothing were going on Saturday either, and cruised up to the V.I.P. section. No need to get excited, it wasn’t anything special. The music was good, 80s hair metal, some Guns N Roses , AC/DC , Pat Benatar , you know…the good stuff! Don kept telling me to “go get my boogie on” which I thought was weird. I had no desire to go out on the dance floor so I just left it to “I am way too white and too sober to do that.” Anyway, we hung out and I watched a bunch of kids who had mullets and probably aren’t even old enough to realize that they weren’t that cool the first time around. Actually they probably weren’t old enough to remember mullets when they were in style the first time around. Pretty entertaining actually! There was the woman (older) who was way to drunk to walk on her own, making out with a guy that looked like he never got over the 80s and was probably in a metal band with his long curly mane of hair (think Cinderella ), the AC/DC guy, you know the one I mean and a little version of Stevie Nicks (80s style not 70s). They gave last call at 2 and we went to get my car from the valet and watch the crowd outside. I saw a whole brigade of interesting people hanging out in the front, including a girl on Lord knows what kind of drugs climbing the pole in front of the Roxy and treating her pants (sweat pants or something stretchy) like makeshift wings, she kind of looked like a really messed up mutant flying squirrel. Oh yeah, she was arrested. Shocker.

So finally, the drive home, just what you have all been waiting for! First Don wanted to stop by In N Out , and then we finally got back on the Freeway around 2:30-2:45 in the morning. So we started talking on the way home, about what I can’t recall until he started in with the “I don’t understand why you don’t have a boyfriend!” Uhhhhh, I just moved here…

In addition, apart from being in Colorado for five years before moving, I had never stayed in the same place for longer than a year or two, which makes it hard to have a relationship. It just wasn’t a huge priority for me, and the pickins were slim in the little town in Colorado I lived in. Actually no, scratch that, the pickings were anorexic, think Olsen twins. He goes on to ask if I get lonely coming home to an empty house (this is where the eye rolling starts), and I state that’s why I have a dog and a cat. I don’t have time for a boyfriend between work, going back to school, pets, etc…

Blah Blah BLAH!!! Seriously every excuse I came up with, do you think he listened? No of course not! I mean if my opinions on the way to Hollywood didn’t matter then why would they now? He goes on to tell me he used to date Adina Howard before she got married. Riiight of course you did. Then he lets it go for a while and talks about his music career and how he has some famous song on some soundtrack, etcetera. At this point I’m just thinking “Okay Amy, only 30 minutes or so of listing to this crap, be patient and be nice.” Then the idiot tells me that he “likes my hips” seriously? and guesses my clothing size dead on. Weird, I couldn’t do that. So at this point, I’m thinking I can’t get home soon enough, and “shit this guy knows where I live”, and “wow didn’t see that coming!” I didn’t really respond one way or the other. After a while he grabs my hand and says, “Hey baby, let’s you and I buy an island, we can hang out naked all day and no one will see us but the people with the satellites,” and I laugh and laugh and laugh, probably harder than I needed to. His response is “If that didn’t sound like a pimp, I don’t know what does.”  So I’m hoping he was joking (weird way to joke, but still…) and I keep laughing. Then he acts hurt that I’m laughing and says “Just because it’s corny doesn’t mean it’s not heart felt.”

What????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Silence)

Change of Subject

About ten minutes before getting home, he grabs my hand again (I didn’t let him hold my hand mind you, either time) and says “Let’s you and I just keep on driving, we can go to Mexico and get married, and not tell anyone until we get back.”

Uhhhhhh…Did he just freaking PROPOSE TO ME???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He DID!!!!! What the ??? is WRONG WITH THIS GUY.

As a side note, guys, please don’t ever do this, it’s really not a good way to get a date, unless you want a desperate and psychotic woman with some serious mental problems. If that’s what you’re looking for, hey be my guest….

So at this point, I’m trying to not come to a screeching halt and make the bastard get out and walk home. I didn’t need someone angry and yelling at me in front of my house and I figured continuing driving was better anyway, unless the guy had a death wish he wasn’t going to do anything else.

So I get home, pull in the driveway; make him get out of the car before pulling into the garage, and say GOODBYE!

Don has called a few times since, the calls have trickled down, but I save his number in my phone under “Demented Don-The marrying guy”, just so I know not to answer my phone.  I did answer one time because I couldn’t see who was calling (I was driving and had my headset in) and got the “When are you going to let me take you out to dinner?” and “I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about you,” (It’s the booty remember? That’s all it is buddy, forget about it) and my response?

“I was looking for a roommate, not a boyfriend.”

And that my friends, is the last time I spoke to Demented Don. I have met some odd people in my life, but been proposed to after knowing someone for less than a week?? That’s a first, and hopefully a last.  I have one more great roommate story for you all, just to reinforce my decision to not have a roommate.

Make Good Memories!

Amy

Continuing my move-in/first month in California saga…..

After about three weeks of being in California, I was finally able to meet up with a friend/acquaintance I have known for a few years through the industry I work in. He is an individual I have a great amount of professional respect for, I appreciate his work ethic, ambition, and found on our evening out that I am absolutely intrigued to know more. The way he views the world is different from anyone I have ever met, and refreshing at that. We had an amazing meal on the pier in San Clemente at a restaurant called Fisherman’s, and some of the most stimulating conversation I’ve had in a long time. Four to five hours felt like an hour, and hopefully we will be able to meet up again sometime soon (due to work obligations and geography, it’s not always easy to find a convenient time).

I am starting out with this to share some of the great things that have happened since I’ve moved to California and to prove there are reasonably normal people out here before I start in on the next chapter…..

Searching for a roommate on Craigslist (this is where, if my life were a movie, the duh-na-na-na-na-nuh music begins and rises to its crescendo toward the end of the story, (which will probably have to be a two part blog, believe me it’s worth it)).

So after a few weeks getting settled, I placed a roommate wanted ad on Craigslist. It basically consisted of “I’m a 32 year old female, new to the area, great house, garage, yard, etc….

I got a few bites, one of the first ones was a guy named Don, he said he was a computer analyst, originally from Oceanside, didn’t know many people in the area either, and all the people he knew were in Irvine, L.A. and San Diego, he doesn’t drink, smoke, etc…

Sounds good, right? So we set up a time to meet and for him to view the house. When I opened the door I’m sure my eyes popped out of my head because an 8′7″ black guy was standing there (actually he later told me he was really 6′5″ or 6′6″, but me being a whopping 5′2″, white chick form Colorado, let’s just say anything over 6′1″ is Mount Rushmore to me). I have a cousin who’s 6′7″ and every time I see him I can’t believe how frigid tall he is. Anyway, Don came in checked out the place, my dog loved him, and we chatted for a while about his job, how he’s trying to start his own clothing line, and that he spends a lot of time on the computer working with graphics, went to college in San Diego, and had lost his house in the subprime crash, and was now thinking about maybe doing the roommate thing to save some cash so he could look at buying a house in a year or so.

Great! I was planning on waiting a year or so before looking at buying out here too. I told him about the company I work for and what we do, my family’s business that started out as the only music store in a small town in Colorado in the mid 80s and how it mutated over the years into an electronics retail and custom a/v business. He then went on to tell me that his uncles managed the Whiskey, The Roxy, The Rainbow Room and They Key Club on Sunset in L.A. (in retrospect I am wondering how they ran all four of these places, but I suppose it’s possible). He told me he goes up to Hollywood just about every weekend and since I was new and had never been to Hollywood, he invited me to go along the following weekend. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I actually would, just because going to L.A. with a guy I didn’t know by myself seemed like a potentially risky situation. He took an application and left, and I thought he seemed like he would be a good roommate. Toward the end of the week, I called him to see if he had the application completed, and said that I was maybe interested in checking out Hollywood if the offer was still open. My reasoning was, he seemed like a nice guy, had a good job, educated, my dog loved him and I didn’t get any scuzzy-guy vibe from him, and it would be a good way to get to know the guy a little better if he was going to be living with me. We made plans for Friday, and he said he’d pick me up between 10 and 10:30 since nothing really started happening until 11 or so anyway.

So I got ready for my “big night” out on the town, Around 10, I got a call from Don stating that nothing was going on until Saturday night (no good shows or anything), and could we put it off until then. GRRRRRRRRRR! A call an hour or so earlier would have been nice. He asked if I wanted to hang out and play Rock Band (yes folks, I actually broke down and bought a PS3!!!!!!! I have not been a fan of video games since I was 12 or 13, but I finally got my first “You Rock” playing Guitar Hero at a friends’ house–after being booed offstage many times–and I was hooked. Sure I might be able to rock a retirement home, but hey, I’ll take what I can get). I said yes, because I hadn’t “rocked” since I moved and figured it sounded like fun. We had some serious Rock Band parties and I was missing playing with the Babbling War Bears (this is the name the game chose for our band).

Actually I know I am digressing, but is anyone else reading addicted to this game or Guitar Hero? Seriously it’s so much fun but I can’t believe what a geek I feel like. The first weekend I got it, I think I sat in front of the damn TV until 5 am drinking a whole bottle of wine and “rocking”. And I’m sure after the second or third glass of wine I was doing anything but rocking! I had to leave the guitar and pick up the microphone due to loss of eye hand coordination, which I am challenged with in general. And I heard that recently Motley Crue released a new album that is only available on either Rock Band or Guitar Hero!!!! No iTunes, Amazon.com or your local record store. It’s a new phenomenon folks, and I gotta admit I am part of the craze.

Don came over and we played Rock Band for maybe 45 minutes before I got tired and figured it was time for him to leave and me to get some z’s.

With that, I will leave you all hanging for the Hollywood adventure and “Indecent Proposal” part deux. And the next blog is one I promise you won’t want to miss (I had a stand up comedian, another potential roommate; ask if he could use it in his stand up).

Make Good Memories!

Amy.