adventures in amy-land

So I have to apologize for not keeping up with my tale o’ Californ-IA, unfortunately life often gets in the way.

Back to searching for a roommate (since eloping in Tijuana with a complete stranger didn’t appeal to me)…  I got in touch with a guy named Toby. He sounded “normal”, was involved in the sub-prime mortgage market and lost everything like an unbelievable amount of people out here. He even mentioned that Stone Temple Pilots were playing the next weekend and said something about me going to the show with him and a group of friends……and yes red flags did go up, but I said maybe some other time and he didn’t sound bothered by it. We made arrangements for him to come by and check out the house the next day.  He called when he was supposed to be by the house and said he got stuck down the road from me helping some friends pack up their RV for a trip they were taking and asked if coming by an hour later would be a problem, and I told him that would be fine. He shows up around 7ish, I showed him the place, and things seemed to be going well.  Then he got a phone call, asked if he could excuse himself for a minute, and said he was going to stop by the grocery store down the road and come back. Ummmmmmm……okay???

An hour and a half passes and I hear a knock at the door. There stands Toby with a 12 pack of Bud Light and a big bag of Jack In The Box. Again…ummmmmmm????? He walks in, sits down on the sofa, hands me a beer, a couple of tacos and a salad, and gets the same for himself. So I guess we’re supposed to hang out?? I decide “what the hell, it’s a good way to get to know the guy a little better and see if he’s someone I might want to live with”.  I joke and say “Wow. I don’t think I have ever eaten Jack In The Box sober” and he responds “Well we can take care of that.”  Rut Roh! I find myself thinking, is this guy a total alcoholic? So Toby starts telling me his “story”…….

Toby owned his own mortgage company called “First Colony” and had a staff of 50. He was in the subprime lenders market and like many, made “millions” and then lost it all when the market crashed. I make a comment about how I thought it sucked that so many mortgage brokers actually allowed people to get into a mortgage that they knew the borrower couldn’t afford. He admits he did that, but he figured (and I quote) “I figured if I didn’t get that five grand, someone else would”. Wow! Seriously? You were actually okay with knowing you could be destroying someone’s credit and future for five thousand dollars. He goes on to complain about employees and how much time they wasted on the internet, because, well destroying someone’s future for your own benefit is okay as long as you have a good work ethic???? He tells me he is currently in the business of helping people who were going into bankruptcy and foreclosures consolidate their debt. So first you profited on putting them in this position and now you’re trying to make money off of them again??? Holy shit!!!! You’ve got to be kidding me!!!! Then he goes on to tell me that he has decided the nonprofits sector is “where it’s at”. This is where he’s going to make his millions. I admit that yes there is good money in the higher levels of nonprofit organizations, but you have to be pretty high up in the Red Cross to make six figures. Non profit after all, only means that you’re not allowed to show a profit. He begins to tell me how he has a friend who has her solicitation license and has told him it was okay for him to use her license number if anyone ever questioned him. He explains he is going to be soliciting for The Make a Wish Foundation. He’s getting excited about all the things people might be willing to donate even if they can’t donate cash. Cars, furniture, etc…. I’m thinking, ‘well yeah people do donate old cars and what not to various organizations that can be repaired and given to women who are in safe houses and on welfare trying to find work, but I have never heard of that as a common donation for The Make A Wish Foundation”. Around the time he points at my dog and says “I bet we could even get people and pet store owners to donate dog toys and food!” I realize Oh my God! This guy has no intention of giving any of the ‘donations’ to The Make A Wish Foundation!!!!! He plans on getting rich by keeping the stuff for himself. But he’s willing to share with me and my dog. Fantastic.
So Toby has all but said “Hey my name’s Toby, I knowingly screwed a bunch of people in the subprime lending market, and then profited off of their loss again by promising to relieve them of their debt (I late found out this is a popular scam out here), and now I want to steal from terminally ill children”.  Great guy, huh?

At this point it’s about 10:30 at night, I start yawning and saying “hey it was nice hanging out and talking to you, but I have to get up for work at 5:30 tomorrow morning and it’s past my bedtime”. He says “Oh. Oh yeah well I have to get up at 5:45 too”

For what? To plan how you are going to take money from dying kids you asshole?

Then he asks if he can go get his air mattress out of his SUV and “set up camp” in the spare bedroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Uhhhhh so what, are you just couch surfing these days?” I ask

He says he has a place in Costa Mesa, but “it’s not an ideal set up”.

Why do the people you live with have a terminally ill child that constantly reminds you what a piece of scum you are??!!!

Instead I say, “I’m sorry I’d rather you not crash here. I just met you. I don’t know you (and don’t like or trust you, I bet I would wake up and my entire living room would be missing) so I’m just not comfortable with that”.

He says “Uh oh yeah I guess we should both take a day or two to decide if this would work out”.

Oh no sweet cheeks, I’ve already determined it won’t. If you have no moral dilemma with stealing from a kid who has a week to live, I have a serious problem associating with you, not to mention sharing a house with you!!!

But I say, “Yeah I think so, have a good night”.

He drives off. I make sure doors are locked. I am sooooo happy that I have a large rottweiler living with me, and I try to go to sleep. I panic when I realize I told this guy I take my dog to work with me every day, because I basically said “Hey I’m not home and there’s no dog in the house, so why don’t you come on by and steal my TV, stereo, furniture, art work, jewelry, whatever you want.” I get up and google First Colony to see if there are any articles on his company and the only company with that name is a real estate company in Utah!!  This is where I find several archived articles describing these new companies claiming that they will pay off your defaulted mortgages for $500-1000.00 and what a scam they are. Wow! This guy was lower than scum. What a bottom feeder!!!

Needless to say after that, a few more people came by to look at the house, no one too frightening, but I eventually decided that I didn’t want any roommates considering the weirdoes that were hanging out on Craig’s List…..

Stay tuned for an update on those killer slugs I told you about earlier (no they never left).